Being An Addict Made Me A Better Business Woman.

I always tell people I have lived two lives in one: one of a drunk; one on the other side of addiction. 

I was just over a year sober when I first started working in the entertainment industry. There were glitzy parties all the time, and glamorous film junkets to put together: networking, film festivals, mega stars and talent visiting from all over the world, including Hollywood. People in this industry worked hard and they played hard. 

I hid my recovery and my sobriety like it was something to be ashamed of, I thought - no, I knew, that it would be a major damper on my career in a star-studded, drug and alcohol fuelled industry. 

Once, at a party at a festival in Toronto, a loving co-worker suggested "I might want to leave" as the evening began to turn. She was right. There's always a point in the evening when, as a sober person, your tolerance for being around people who are drinking fades. People begin to spill drinks. Their words slur. Everyone is a VIP and they no longer want to hide it. Your tolerance fades fast.

I was 25 when I started in the industry and I was just getting my feet wet. The last thing I wanted was the be branded as ‘different from other workers’, let alone a liability. My sobriety made me more reliable, I thought, more trust worthy. Didn't it? But it also made me a black sheep: Why aren't you toasting at the office Christmas party? Where is your champagne? No wine at the lunch meeting?

At almost a decade into my recovery I've come to learn a few things about alcoholics and addicts - myself included in this category. We are resilient, resourceful, feisty, and rebellious. It just depends on what side of the journey you're on in order for these qualities to be deemed good or bad. When we are deep in our cups, these qualities wreak havoc on those around us. We ruin relationships and lives. 

When I started my small business at the age of 27 - in my 5th year of recovery, all of the qualities I picked up in my years of surviving as an addict, and that I was able to really practice in my recovery from alcoholism became incredibly useful. My bandwidth for stress? Massive. My resourcefulness? Ask me to find something, I will. No money? Don’t worry, we will get it. It was all the qualities of me as addict: resourceful, rebellious, feisty, head-strong, that I was able to put to good use.

I made my alcoholic qualities work for me.

It doesn't hurt that I've seen shady "business deals" on the streets - I can now spot them a mile away, even in a boardroom.

On the other side of recovery, I also began to grow my spiritual life. This has undoubtedly aided in developing my business with values of integrity and grace. Flexing my spiritual muscle daily - from spiritual readings, to daily meditations (which have been ongoing now for almost ten years), to grounding myself and my business in my spiritual values and integrity, has helped me to form the basis of my business, and all the relationships that have flourished from it.

None of this would have been possible had I never been a drunk who had hit their bottom.

Being a drunk taught me survival and resilience in struggle. Recovery taught me integrity and faith. No money in the bank? I had a reliance in the universe that everything was going to work out. That next business deal is around the corner. Not sure this meeting will go well? Suit up. Show up. Put your best foot forward and bring a bucket of unconditional love. Someone screwed you over? Well, pray that they find peace and contentment… That one is still hard sometimes. 

What I thought to be a big burden in life, my decade-long, black-out drinking career, has become one of my greatest benefactors in business. Being a recovering alcoholic and addict has widened my lens in life. While I may be rebellious and resilient, my capacity for vulnerability continually grows; I am able to connect with a wide range of people from a vast background of experiences and places; I can hold space for pain and art and openness more than had I not had the experiences I have had in this life so far. 

Being an addict robbed me of ten years of my youth and early adult life.

But recovery has been a bountiful adventure, which has returned the gifts of a sober life in multitudes.